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{\an8}This programme contains strong
language and discriminatory language

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{\an8}You got it?Yep. Sure you're OK
there? It's quite heavy.I'm fine.

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Listen, I'm just thinking...

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..shall we get the Christmas tree
down while I'm up here?

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Yes, all right, I suppose we could.

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Right, I'll pass it down to you.

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Ready?Give me a minute!

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Just watch yourself with it.

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<font color="
I'm not totally useless.

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Everything OK?

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Yep, all fine.

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{\an8}Do you not think it's a bit
early to put it up?

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{\an8}I mean, it's not even December yet.

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{\an8}Pfft, it's fine.
Who's going to notice?

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{\an8}KNOCKING

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Christine. That's me
<font color="

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Going where?

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To Ireland.

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For God's sake, Beth, do you not
listen to a thing I tell you?

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Of course I do. We're in
the middle of a big clear out

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and I'm just a wee bit busy.

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Right, OK, I'll come in and I'll
<font color="

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But I cannot stay long.

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Right.

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Are you putting your
Christmas tree up?

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It's a bit early, is it no?

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Yes, well, we were up
in the loft anyway,

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so we just thought we might as well.

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<font color="
follow what the church does,

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and they put it up 12 days before.

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No, you're thinking
of Twelfth Night.

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That's when you take it down.

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Yes, a church puts theirs up on
the first Sunday of December.

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Do they? Mm.

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Well, that's awful early.

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<font color="
with Father Haggarty about that.

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I don't think it was ever up that
early in Father Kowalski's day.

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But he really was a religious man.

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Where is it he is now?

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BandQ, Nitshill. Ah.

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But I don't think I'll bother
<font color="

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what with me not being here.
What's this?

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I'm going to visit my cousin
Darbhla in Ireland

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for Christmas, Eric.

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Oh, it's fantastic, Christine.

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Oh, I know, Beth.

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And to think, if Dearbhla hadn't
<font color="

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to Ancestry.com we might never have
known that we were related.

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Imagine if she'd had
a dry mooth that day.

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Er, whereabouts are they?

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County Galway, Eric.
Oh.

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I get the train to Stranraer,
a ferry to Larne,

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<font color="
and then coach down to Galway.

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Oh! A bit of a trek, that!

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So, er, it will be Dearbhla's
whole family?

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Oh, yes.

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Her husband, Eoin, now he's
got his own plumbing business,

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so I will be looking
<font color="

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That's definitely on the list.

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And then there's her twin girls,
Maeve and Aoife.

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Aw. It'll be nice to meet them
because they're actually my...

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What is it? My first cousins.

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No, no, no, second.

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<font color="
they're twins.

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Well, you'll have a great time,
I'm sure.

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Oh, I hope so, Eric.

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I must say, I am looking forward
to it.

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Although it will be strange not
being at home on Christmas Day.

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<font color="
to have me in here, Beth,

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so I do feel a bit guilty
that I might be letting you down.

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Are you sure you're
OK with me going?

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You're all right... We'll be fine!

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Well, I think it's time we get
<font color="

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I'm taking, eh?

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Ah, well, the thing is, Christine...
DOORBELL RINGS

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Ah, who's this interrupting us?

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That's no you got your Christmas
tree up already, is it, Beth?

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Beth!Well, uh-huh...

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It's a bit early, is it not?
Mm.<font color="

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Do you know? Just let her
do it, Col,

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it'll brighten up
that dingy front room.

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I suppose so.

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It's OK, Beth, that's fine.

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If it gives you something
to look forward to, that's OK.

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Should we go in and see it?
Oh....

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She'll be put out if we don't.
You know what she's like.

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<font color="
in for a minute and see it, Beth.

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Apparently, the cooked
breakfasts onboard

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the Stena Line are excellent.

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Ah.Irene up the high flats told me,

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they serve a black pudding that is
technically illegal on dry land.

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<font color="
helping you put your tree up, Beth.

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He's far too big for an elf, Col.

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Oh, and there's Christine...
Ah.How are you doing?

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Oh, no bad, Colin.

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That is me all booked up
for Ireland for Christmas.

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You're going to
<font color="

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Oh, yes, I'm staying with my
cousin, Dearbhla in Galway.

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Oh, that's nice, you're not
going to be here, Christine.

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You'll be having a bit of
the black stuff over there, eh?

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Remember, we went to
the Guinness factory

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<font color="

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Oh, God, that place?
Oh, I will not be going back there.

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Oh, why not?

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Only serves fucking Guinness.

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So is this you getting
all set for Christmas, then?

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What's the plans?

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Ah, well, nothing special.

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It's just the two of us,
<font color="

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Traditional?

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Well, you've no made a very good
start putting your tree up

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this fucking early.

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And what about you two?
Do you know what you're doing?

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We're going to that same hotel
again on Christmas Day

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<font color="

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It's really festive
how they decorate it all.

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And you get steak instead of turkey,

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a cocktail instead
of Christmas pudding,

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and there's a massive
smoking section out by the nativity.

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The problem we've got is
we don't know what presents to get.

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Well, I'm fine just with money.

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<font color="

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Yeah, we're not getting you
anything, Eric.

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You see, we've already got
everything, haven't we?

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Mm.Oh, poor you, right enough.

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I always get Colin
pants for Christmas

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but I can't get any more
in the drawer.No.

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And you can't exactly take the old
<font color="

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No, they don't take them.

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Well, certainly
the British Heart Foundation don't,

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though Irene did tell me
about a website

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where there seems to be
quite a lot of interest.

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We were just going up
<font color="

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once we'd finished the tree.

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Are you getting yourself
something, Beth?

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Well, it is finished, really,
apart from turning on the lights.

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OK, then,
let's see the big switch on.

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Come on, Eric,
up off your fat arse.

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Here, Beth, this reminds me
<font color="

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switch on the lights in Clydebank.
Do you remember that, Beth?

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I do.

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I'm no actually sure whether
he was on the heroin at that point

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because we were quite far back,
you know.

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Right, are we all ready?

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<font color="
Come on, Eric!

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Oh...Oh.

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Ah, well, you know, you could
always stop by the dump as well.

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I don't know how much longer
I'm going to manage

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getting in and out
of this seat, Alan.

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You want to start
<font color="

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No, I mean you might
need to get a car

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or get on my insurance or something.

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Oh, aye, right, right.

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I'm really starting to struggle
on the stairs as well.

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You maybe chucked the gym too soon.

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<font color="
tree up.

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Do you think we should go over

158
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and say a wee quick hello
and see it?

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Close.

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We've got a nice picture of us
in front of the Oscar Wilde statue

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in Dublin, haven't we? Aye.

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Oh, you know,
my favourite quote of his is

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is when he was going through
customs in America and he said,

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"I have nothing to declare
but my genius."

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Well, I preferred the statue
of Molly Malone.

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You go up, rub her tits,
brings you luck.

167
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Oh, for God's sake.

168
00:08:03,040 --> 00:08:04,320
I did as well.

169
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We went to Temple Bar after that,
we didn't get hassled by one beggar.

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<font color="

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DOORBELL RINGS

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I'll go.

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Oh, hello, you two!

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Or should that be two and a half?

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She's some size now,
in't she, Eric?

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Train to Stranraer, ferry to Larne,
bus to Belfast, coach to Galway.

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Oh, my God, I'd need a flight
to Switzerland after that.

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That's a proper Irish
<font color="

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It is, Colin.

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But, do you know, I now feel I've
got a really deep connection

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to Ireland, now that I know for sure
that I've got Irish blood in me.

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If you're going to Galway, would you
no be better flying to Shannon?

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<font color="

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00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:52,920
Oh! Hi Michelle. Hi Alan.

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00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:54,120
Hi!

186
00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:55,640
Hello, everyone.

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Sorry to just appear
at your door, Beth.

188
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Oh, don't worry about that,
no-one else does.

189
00:09:00,560 --> 00:09:02,680
How are you, Michelle?

190
00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:05,680
Oh, yeah, I'm fine.
<font color="

191
00:09:05,720 --> 00:09:07,640
Oh, yeah,
you do look really knackered.

192
00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:10,960
Come and sit down, Michelle.

193
00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:12,600
Come on.Yeah, there we go.

194
00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:18,120
Sit down there. How's you, Alan, eh?
Everything all right?

195
00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:21,160
Aye, all right. Just back from
the garage with the van.

196
00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:23,080
Oh, no, something wrong with it?

197
00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:25,440
Somebody ran into the back of me,
Eric. Oh...

198
00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:27,040
Oh, my God, what happened?

199
00:09:27,080 --> 00:09:29,600
Were you eating a sausage roll
while you were driving, Alan?

200
00:09:29,640 --> 00:09:32,040
No, I was coming off the motorway
to go through the tunnel

201
00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:35,080
and there was a wee jam,
<font color="

202
00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:37,680
Next thing I know, somebody's
ran into the back of me.

203
00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:40,680
Oh!And they'd be on their phone,
no doubt.

204
00:09:40,720 --> 00:09:42,160
Aye. And see the force of it,

205
00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:44,560
mine's flew right out my hand,
under the seat.

206
00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:47,400
<font color="
at the garage, didn't they? Mm.

207
00:09:47,440 --> 00:09:50,040
Alan was late picking me up
from antenatal class.

208
00:09:50,080 --> 00:09:51,240
Oh, no.

209
00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:53,680
Ah, it's fine, Beth,
you cannae see the dent at all.

210
00:09:55,840 --> 00:09:58,120
So, anyway, how are you guys doing?
How's Ian?

211
00:09:58,160 --> 00:09:59,840
<font color="

212
00:09:59,880 --> 00:10:01,960
He's coming over to have a look
through his old stuff

213
00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:03,120
before we junk it.

214
00:10:03,160 --> 00:10:05,680
Are you trying to get rid
of every trace of him, Eric?

215
00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:08,080
Have you any baby stuff, Eric?

216
00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:10,440
Because maybe Alan and Michelle
might want that.

217
00:10:10,480 --> 00:10:14,320
<font color="
in a lot of brown, Michelle.

218
00:10:14,360 --> 00:10:18,640
Eric, it's fine. I've ordered
loads of stuff already, actually.

219
00:10:18,680 --> 00:10:22,600
You know, all the wee babygrows
and the jammies and the wee onesies.

220
00:10:22,640 --> 00:10:25,120
They're just all so cute,
aren't they?

221
00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:26,720
<font color="

222
00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:28,560
Well, until they soil them.

223
00:10:29,680 --> 00:10:32,120
Have you made any decisions
on names, Michelle?

224
00:10:32,160 --> 00:10:36,400
No, because we still can't seem to
agree on anything, can we?

225
00:10:36,440 --> 00:10:40,280
But if it's a boy,
I like the name Lewis.

226
00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:41,920
Good Scottish name, that.

227
00:10:43,040 --> 00:10:46,000
<font color="
"loos", though, Eric?

228
00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:48,920
And are you definitely sure you
don't want to find out

229
00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:50,800
what you're having, Michelle?

230
00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:52,720
I mean, that would make it
a bit easier.

231
00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:55,920
No, I just don't want to know.

232
00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:58,240
No, I'm not that interested
either, Michelle.

233
00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:02,440
Can I get you a tea or
a glass of water or something?

234
00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:05,040
I'd take a water off you
if it's not too much trouble, Beth?

235
00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:06,960
Er, what about the
rest of us, Beth?

236
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,800
Aye, here, have you
got any mince pies?

237
00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:12,600
A wee cup of tea and a mince pie,
<font color="

238
00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:15,040
Well, the thing is...
Oh, aye, a tea and a mince pie,

239
00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:17,080
I wouldnae say no!
Eh, first of the season.

240
00:11:17,120 --> 00:11:19,120
Aw, I fucking hate mince pies.

241
00:11:19,160 --> 00:11:21,120
Have you got the ones
with the brandy in them, Beth?

242
00:11:21,160 --> 00:11:22,960
Oh, I'd take one of them, though.

243
00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:24,880
No, you see...
<font color="

244
00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:27,280
with all the cream on the top.
Oh, have you tried them?

245
00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:29,080
Oh, I like the sound of them.

246
00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:30,680
Have you got any of them, Beth?

247
00:11:30,720 --> 00:11:33,160
I haven't got any mince pies.

248
00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:34,960
Oh...Aw!

249
00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:38,840
You cannae invite us all in here,
<font color="

250
00:11:38,880 --> 00:11:41,320
and not have any Christmas
stuff in for us.

251
00:11:41,360 --> 00:11:42,680
We didn't do that!

252
00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:46,400
You've got your tree up, Eric -
that sends a message.

253
00:11:46,440 --> 00:11:48,160
It's like the swingers
with the pampas grass.

254
00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:50,320
Yes, Eric, shut your face.

255
00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:52,440
Is that really a thing, that,
<font color="

256
00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:54,640
I thought it was just like
one of those things folks say.

257
00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:57,600
Oh, no, no, no, no. There's a couple
round the new-builds that had it

258
00:11:57,640 --> 00:11:59,320
and they were very, very active...

259
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,000
..apparently.

260
00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:04,560
Beth, don't worry about the water,
<font color="

261
00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:07,200
Aye, and it makes the baby kick,
then she goes on about it.

262
00:12:07,240 --> 00:12:10,200
Don't be daft, of course
I'll get you a glass of water.

263
00:12:10,240 --> 00:12:13,880
And I'm happy to do teas and coffees
for anyone who's wanting,

264
00:12:13,920 --> 00:12:17,080
I just don't have any mince pies.

265
00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:20,200
<font color="
clearing out the loft,

266
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:23,840
not declaring that it
was officially Christmas.

267
00:12:23,880 --> 00:12:25,600
I mean, I'd like to have
the power to do that,

268
00:12:25,640 --> 00:12:27,560
but I'm afraid I don't, OK?

269
00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:32,520
Beth?

270
00:12:33,680 --> 00:12:37,320
You don't even have a wee tub
<font color="

271
00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:45,840
DOORBELL RINGS

272
00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:54,640
A bit early with the tree,
are you not?

273
00:12:54,680 --> 00:12:56,960
What is it, just
feeling Christmassy?

274
00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:59,240
I wish we'd never bothered,
to be honest.

275
00:13:01,920 --> 00:13:06,040
Quality Street is what I used to get
when it was just Sophie

276
00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:07,640
<font color="

277
00:13:07,680 --> 00:13:11,680
Oh, the green ones were my
favourite. I used to love them.

278
00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:14,080
Aw, and what about Sophie?
What ones were hers?

279
00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:15,200
All the other ones.

280
00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:19,080
Oh, right, not like you to have
a houseful.

281
00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:20,880
Hi, son.Hi, Ian.

282
00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:22,800
<font color="

283
00:13:22,840 --> 00:13:24,800
How are you doing, Ian?
And, I'm fine.

284
00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:26,120
How are you guys? Everything OK?

285
00:13:26,160 --> 00:13:28,080
Yeah, I'm fine, I'm just feeling...
No really, Ian.

286
00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:29,880
Somebody went into
the back of my van.

287
00:13:29,920 --> 00:13:32,840
<font color="
got it back today.

288
00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:34,840
You weren't in it at the time,
were you? No.

289
00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:36,880
Oh, well, could've been worse.
Well, you're saying that,

290
00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:39,080
but that was two full days it
was aff the road.

291
00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:43,680
<font color="
How's Gordon?

292
00:13:43,720 --> 00:13:46,360
Aye, he's good, he's coming over
here to meet me after college.

293
00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:47,800
Oh, is he still enjoying it?

294
00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:49,240
Oh, aye, he's loving it.

295
00:13:49,280 --> 00:13:51,120
I'm not loving being the only
one earning, though.

296
00:13:51,160 --> 00:13:53,920
<font color="
a very poor wage as it is, Ian.

297
00:13:55,840 --> 00:13:58,320
What did he pack his job
in for anyway, Ian?

298
00:13:58,360 --> 00:14:00,640
Och, basically he just wasn't happy.

299
00:14:00,680 --> 00:14:04,080
Oh, you see, this is the new thing,
isn't it?

300
00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:07,480
You don't like something,
you just stop doing it.

301
00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:11,560
<font color="
just kept going, that was your lot,

302
00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:13,640
you just had to accept it.

303
00:14:13,680 --> 00:14:15,320
Like you with Eric, Beth.

304
00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:17,680
Right, listen, you want to look
through this stuff

305
00:14:17,720 --> 00:14:19,360
from the loft before
we throw it out?

306
00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:21,120
Oh, right, now? Oh...

307
00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:23,000
<font color="

308
00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:27,640
So, what are you and Gordon
up to for Christmas, then?

309
00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:29,440
Oh, just having a quiet one,
to be honest.

310
00:14:29,480 --> 00:14:32,080
We did invite them but they said no.

311
00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:33,040
And, Gordon's got an assignment
to do over the holidays,

312
00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:35,120
<font color="
everything at the minute.

313
00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:38,000
What's it on? That's the thing,
he can't make up his mind.

314
00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:40,640
Do you think he's quite
a weak person, Ian?

315
00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:43,400
We got rid of a lot of other stuff,

316
00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:46,280
but we weren't sure whether
you'd want to keep any of this.

317
00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:51,560
<font color="

318
00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:53,200
I remember the year you got me this.

319
00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:56,480
I remember going to Curry's
out at Renfrew to get it.

320
00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:59,120
Oh, that is a nice store, that.

321
00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:03,120
Me and Pat went there to get
Sophie her Gameboy.

322
00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:04,960
That was the big present that year.

323
00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:06,120
<font color="

324
00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:10,880
No, they were sold out so I
just got her a LadyShave instead.

325
00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:14,720
And if I remember right, I think
Pat got some Hoover bags.

326
00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:17,840
God, I can remember taking
the wrapping off it.

327
00:15:17,880 --> 00:15:21,280
And then straight upstairs
<font color="

328
00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:24,640
Ian, gay porn on Christmas Day.

329
00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:26,440
We didn't want to just throw it out.

330
00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:29,520
No, no, no, listen, he could have
some good stuff on it, Eric.

331
00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:31,800
Look, I'll take this
but you can get rid of the rest.

332
00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:33,080
Oh, are you sure?

333
00:15:33,120 --> 00:15:35,880
That hat and scarf set
<font color="

334
00:15:35,920 --> 00:15:37,840
and I don't think you've ever
worn them.

335
00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:44,000
Ian!He was always a very ungrateful
wee boy, Michelle.

336
00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:46,520
I remember I gave him a banana once

337
00:15:46,560 --> 00:15:49,440
and he just threw it behind the hut.

338
00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:51,720
You'll need to get your mum
<font color="

339
00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:54,720
this year, Ian, to make up for that.

340
00:15:54,760 --> 00:15:57,320
Just get her a bottle of rose,
Ian. That's what we do,

341
00:15:57,360 --> 00:15:59,520
and she always seems
genuinely quite happy.

342
00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:03,560
Sorry, Mum, I'll take those as well.

343
00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:05,360
Oh, well, if you're sure.

344
00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:07,640
And if you don't like them,
maybe Gordon will.

345
00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:10,720
Yeah, he's got no fashion
sense at all, Ian.

346
00:16:10,760 --> 00:16:15,040
I still don't understand how he's
starting college at his age.

347
00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:17,040
I mean, is he no too old?

348
00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:18,680
He's a mature student.

349
00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:21,480
Yeah, exactly,
he's a mature student.

350
00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:25,760
HUMMING

351
00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:31,400
Hello, how's it going?

352
00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:33,320
Are we going just now or am
I coming in?

353
00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:35,240
<font color="

354
00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:41,400
I get the train to Stranraer,
ferry to Larne, bus to Belfast,

355
00:16:41,440 --> 00:16:42,920
coach down to Galway.

356
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:44,800
Pfft, well, that's a
hoor of a trip, that.

357
00:16:44,840 --> 00:16:49,480
Alan. It's a fair way, Alan,
but when it is family,

358
00:16:49,520 --> 00:16:51,120
it is worth all the effort.

359
00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:53,440
<font color="
you'll be like Santa

360
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:57,800
coming down from the North Pole with
your big sack of Christmas presents.

361
00:16:57,840 --> 00:17:00,040
I'll no need to buy them
all presents, will I?

362
00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:05,520
Hi, Gordon. Oh, hiya, Gordon.
Hehe.

363
00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:07,480
Gordon, what's that you've got
on your head?

364
00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:09,560
<font color="
I came on my scooter.

365
00:17:10,840 --> 00:17:13,560
You came here by scooter?
Um, yeah.

366
00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:16,680
It'll be one of those e-scooters.
Ooh!

367
00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:17,840
I quite fancy one myself.

368
00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:19,800
Is it an e-scooter
you've got, Gordon?

369
00:17:19,840 --> 00:17:22,040
No, it's just a regular one.

370
00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:23,800
<font color="

371
00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:25,880
Gordon, come here a minute.
Come here.

372
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:34,280
That's you. It was, er,
sticking up a bit.

373
00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:38,000
So how's your course going, Gordon?

374
00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:39,600
Yeah, good, yeah.

375
00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:41,320
What is it you're studying again?

376
00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:42,800
Sociology and literature.

377
00:17:42,840 --> 00:17:45,920
Oh, right, you not bothered
<font color="

378
00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:49,160
Ian says you've got
an assignment to do?

379
00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:52,440
Oh, yeah. I haven't made up my mind
what to do it on yet.

380
00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:54,800
It's meant to be something
on cultural change,

381
00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:56,320
but it's such a big subject.

382
00:17:56,360 --> 00:17:57,760
Oh, God, yeah.

383
00:17:57,800 --> 00:18:00,720
<font color="
going onto YouTube?

384
00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:03,160
I don't think that's
the sort of thing Gordon's

385
00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:05,880
studying on his course, Christine.

386
00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:08,520
So it's literature you're doing,
is it?

387
00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:11,520
I'll tell you a good book -
what's that one I read on holiday?

388
00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:15,280
Oh, fuck that, you wouldn't put
that down. He was reading it in bed!

389
00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:17,120
I know, I got right into it,
so I did.

390
00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:20,680
I know what it was. It was
Duncan Bannatyne's autobiography.

391
00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:22,000
Have you read that, Gordon?

392
00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:26,000
Er, no. What about Maeve Binchy?
You read any of hers?

393
00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:27,720
<font color="

394
00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:31,160
They'll no be doing Maeve Binchy
books on a literature course.

395
00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:34,640
Why not? There's fucking tonnes
of them.

396
00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:37,080
Er, I see you've got your Christmas
tree up, Mrs Baird.

397
00:18:37,120 --> 00:18:40,440
Well... It's awful early,
is it not, Gordon?

398
00:18:40,480 --> 00:18:42,040
You've no got yours up, have you?

399
00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:43,480
Well, no, but...

400
00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:45,040
<font color="

401
00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:47,040
Look at the state of it!

402
00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:50,400
Oh, it'll look great when you've got
the rest of the decorations up.

403
00:18:52,040 --> 00:18:53,680
You're not saying this is it,
are you?

404
00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:55,360
Well, we were having a clear out

405
00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:58,120
and there was decorations there
that we'd had for years and...

406
00:18:58,160 --> 00:18:59,880
They were a bit tatty.

407
00:18:59,920 --> 00:19:02,600
<font color="
everything tatty,

408
00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:04,440
you're not going
to have anything left.

409
00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:07,440
Aw, Beth, we've got absolutely
loads of Christmas decorations

410
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,000
if you want some. Haven't we, Alan?

411
00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:11,920
Aye, she cannae go past them
<font color="

412
00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:15,520
It's the same with toilet rolls.
We've got hundreds of them.

413
00:19:15,560 --> 00:19:17,760
Ah, no, that's very kind, Michelle.

414
00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:19,760
Look, we've got
piles of old ones as well.

415
00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:21,960
Aye. You could
always have mine, Beth,

416
00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:23,960
<font color="

417
00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:26,760
Alan, away you go
and get some for Beth and Eric.

418
00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:28,040
Michelle, no, we...

419
00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:29,880
Aw, honestly, Eric, it's fine,
we've got way more

420
00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:31,760
than we've got room to put up, so...

421
00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:34,560
Come on, Eric,
it's fucking miserable in here.

422
00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:42,880
Are we ready? Yes, come on.

423
00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:50,400
Yay.<font color="

424
00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:52,640
That's proper Christmassy now,
isn't it?

425
00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:55,240
Well, not till we get a bottle open!

426
00:19:57,320 --> 00:20:00,120
What about you, boys? Oh, shh!
I won't tell anyone

427
00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:02,600
you're driving
your scooter drunk, Gordon.

428
00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:05,040
SHE REVS

429
00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:08,760
Yeah, I'll take one,
if that's OK with you, Michelle.

430
00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:12,320
Aw, yeah, you guys go ahead.
<font color="

431
00:20:12,360 --> 00:20:14,160
Did you not realise that being
pregnant was going

432
00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:16,120
to be really boring, Michelle?

433
00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:18,840
Is it OK if I have a lager?

434
00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:20,680
Of course it is, Alan.

435
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:23,040
Are you just saying that now
and you'll give me a row later,

436
00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:24,240
or do you really mean it?

437
00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:28,680
I think I've got
<font color="

438
00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:29,880
Woo!

439
00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:32,440
You know when I think it
feels like Christmas is coming -

440
00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:34,560
when you hear the Christmas
songs on the radio.

441
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:36,880
Yeah, I love Christmas songs.

442
00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:39,160
Hey, Eric, have you got
that Christmas album?

443
00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:40,520
Aye, I think I do.

444
00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:42,720
<font color="
havenae thrown it out.

445
00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:45,880
Yes, Eric, you big stupid donkey.

446
00:20:45,920 --> 00:20:48,120
So when is it you're off
to Ireland, Christine?

447
00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:51,240
Oh, not until the 21st, Michelle.

448
00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:53,440
Oh, God, it's just so exciting.

449
00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:55,280
You're going to have such
a brilliant time.

450
00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:56,720
<font color="

451
00:20:56,760 --> 00:20:59,280
Aye, we were saying earlier, Alan,
that the Guinness that you get

452
00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:02,000
in the Guinness factory
isn't like anywhere else.

453
00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:04,720
Aye, it's 20 fucking Euro.

454
00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:06,680
MUSIC: Wonderful Christmastime
by Paul McCartney

455
00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:08,440
Oh!

456
00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:12,280
Hey!Oh!

457
00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:14,200
<font color="

458
00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:15,200
Please.

459
00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:17,520
Thank you.

460
00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:18,800
Sorry, Michelle.

461
00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:21,800
Oh, Beth, don't worry, I'm fine.
I like my water.

462
00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:22,960
It's all right, Michelle.

463
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:25,120
You can get pissed again once
the baby's here.

464
00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:28,720
Well, this is a bit more like it,
eh? Cheers, everybody.

465
00:21:28,760 --> 00:21:31,160
Cheers!<font color="

466
00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:36,280
Here, Beth, could you go and get me
that wee glass that I like?

467
00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:39,240
I don't like the way this one
feels in my hand.

468
00:21:39,280 --> 00:21:40,240
Oh, for...

469
00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:46,800
Thanks. Here, I hope you won't be
so fussy over in Ireland, Christine,

470
00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:48,320
<font color="

471
00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:53,240
Dad, stick it on to the next song.

472
00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:56,840
I can't be bothered with this one,
it goes on for ages.

473
00:21:56,880 --> 00:21:59,000
MUSIC: I Wish It Could Be Christmas
Everyday by Wizzard

474
00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:01,120
Oh, no, no, no, Col. No, no, no,
I hate this one. Get it off.

475
00:22:01,160 --> 00:22:02,400
She hates this.

476
00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:03,880
Why do you not like it, Cathy?

477
00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:07,320
I don't like the sound
of children singing, Gordon.

478
00:22:07,360 --> 00:22:09,080
MUSIC: Merry Xmas Everybody
by Slade

479
00:22:09,120 --> 00:22:11,040
Now this, this is a classic.

480
00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:13,240
Oh, does this one
no do your head in?

481
00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:14,360
What, do you not like it, Alan?

482
00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:17,400
Och, it's all right but you hear it
everywhere you go, don't you?

483
00:22:17,440 --> 00:22:19,200
It is a bit ubiquitous, yes.

484
00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:24,320
<font color="
everywhere - Band Aid.

485
00:22:24,360 --> 00:22:27,120
Oh, it was amazing
what they did with that.

486
00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:28,840
Yes. Mm-mm.

487
00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:32,320
Although, there is a bit of
a backlash against it now.

488
00:22:32,360 --> 00:22:33,800
Against Band Aid?

489
00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:36,240
Is it because Bono's a wank?
Alan!

490
00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:39,240
Well, he is but.<font color="
think it may be did more harm

491
00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:42,640
than good, because it made people
feel they'd solved the problem

492
00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:44,800
of global inequality when,
in actual fact,

493
00:22:44,840 --> 00:22:47,440
it's worsened with the impact
of climate change.

494
00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:51,320
<font color="
thing, which is quite toxic as well.

495
00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:54,120
Oh...

496
00:22:54,160 --> 00:22:57,000
I didn't realise it was
so controversial.

497
00:22:57,040 --> 00:23:00,040
Well, it's an interesting debate.
I personally think that...

498
00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:02,120
MUSIC: Fairytale Of New York
by The Pogues

499
00:23:02,160 --> 00:23:04,160
This is the best one ever.

500
00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:05,640
<font color="

501
00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:07,400
What is it?The Pogues.

502
00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:09,160
Mm?Shane MacGowan.

503
00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:11,760
Always pissed?
Oh, him, yes.

504
00:23:11,800 --> 00:23:13,640
Here's a couple of names
for you, Michelle.

505
00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:17,040
What? Well, Shane for a boy
or Kirsty for a girl.

506
00:23:17,080 --> 00:23:21,280
<font color="
that, Michelle - Shane.

507
00:23:21,320 --> 00:23:23,800
Actually, I quite like those.

508
00:23:23,840 --> 00:23:26,440
Oh, aye, wee Shane Edgar.

509
00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:28,880
It sounds good, din't it?
Or Kirsty.

510
00:23:28,920 --> 00:23:31,480
Aye, that's all right and all.

511
00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:34,680
Here, Christine, this is
<font color="

512
00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:37,440
Galway Bay - that's where
you'll be at Christmas.

513
00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:39,720
Oh, here, so it is.

514
00:23:39,760 --> 00:23:41,920
Christine, it's just going
to feel really weird

515
00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:44,520
you being away at
your cousin's for Christmas.

516
00:23:46,280 --> 00:23:47,440
Beth?

517
00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:55,760
<font color="

518
00:23:55,800 --> 00:23:58,400
What do you mean?
Well, me going to Dearbhla's.

519
00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:03,440
Because, well, it's just I know
that sometimes I can be

520
00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:06,560
a wee bit demanding.
Oh, Christine...

521
00:24:06,600 --> 00:24:09,960
But what if they end up wishing
<font color="

522
00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:11,920
and cannae wait to see
the back of me?

523
00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:14,360
You're going to have
a wonderful time.

524
00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:17,600
Christmas is for families,
and they're your family.

525
00:24:17,640 --> 00:24:19,680
They're going to be thrilled
you're there.

526
00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:21,480
<font color="

527
00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:29,600
Here, Beth, you know how I'm
getting the train to Stranraer

528
00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:31,000
and then getting the ferry...

529
00:24:31,040 --> 00:24:34,440
Yes - train to Stranraer,
ferry to Larne,

530
00:24:34,480 --> 00:24:37,280
bus to Belfast and coach to Galway.

531
00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:41,000
Are you OK to give me
<font color="

532
00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:42,240
Yes.

533
00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:45,840
Are you OK there, Gordon?
Any problem with this song?

534
00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:48,360
Well, it depends
which version it is. What?

535
00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:52,160
Well, there's a word in the song
that's quite offensive, so...

536
00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:54,880
What word?Well, I don't
really want to say it.

537
00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:56,240
<font color="

538
00:24:56,280 --> 00:24:58,000
What is it, Beth?Is it scumbag?

539
00:24:58,040 --> 00:24:59,480
What is wrong with scumbag?

540
00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:01,840
It rhymes with maggot...

541
00:25:01,880 --> 00:25:03,400
It rhymes with maggot?

542
00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:05,520
Maybe just forward it
on to the next one.

543
00:25:05,560 --> 00:25:07,240
What rhymes with maggot?

544
00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:09,320
I know, I know!

545
00:25:09,360 --> 00:25:12,120
What is it?
It begins with an F, Christine.

546
00:25:13,200 --> 00:25:14,560
Fuckwit?

547
00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:16,040
Look, maybe just put it off, Dad.

548
00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:19,080
What is it?

549
00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:23,920
What's wrong with that?

550
00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:26,800
It's quite offensive,
especially to gay people.

551
00:25:26,840 --> 00:25:30,160
I thought it was "poofter" was
the one that yous didnae like.

552
00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:32,720
<font color="
you cannae say anything

553
00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:34,200
without offending someone.

554
00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:35,520
Oh, here we go.

555
00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:36,840
Well, it's ridiculous.

556
00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:39,400
I mean, you cannae even have
a bit of homophobic swearing

557
00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:40,920
in a Christmas song any more.

558
00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:45,800
<font color="
just becoming more aware

559
00:25:45,840 --> 00:25:48,560
of how the things we say
impact on other people,

560
00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:51,480
and a recognition that some terms
that were once in common usage

561
00:25:51,520 --> 00:25:54,440
were, in fact, offensive, frankly.

562
00:25:54,480 --> 00:25:56,160
We should probably make a move.

563
00:25:56,200 --> 00:25:58,560
What other words
can we not say, Gordon?

564
00:25:58,600 --> 00:26:00,120
Well, it's not up to me.

565
00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:02,000
What about fanny?

566
00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:03,920
If someone was to call you
a silly fanny,

567
00:26:03,960 --> 00:26:05,280
would you be offended by that?

568
00:26:05,320 --> 00:26:08,920
Cathy. Well, I wouldn't really be
offended, but, I mean,

569
00:26:08,960 --> 00:26:11,160
if we're going to get into it,
I don't really think anyone

570
00:26:11,200 --> 00:26:13,600
should be using a female
<font color="

571
00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:16,560
Does that mean that you
cane say cu...?Christine!

572
00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:19,480
What about dick?
Can you still call someone a dick?

573
00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:20,680
That's less bad.

574
00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:22,400
Oh, thank God for that.

575
00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:23,880
I say dick quite a lot, don't I?

576
00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:26,000
Uh-huh. Aye, me
<font color="

577
00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:28,440
Why is dick not as bad, Gordon?

578
00:26:28,480 --> 00:26:30,720
Well, it's that men
have, historically,

579
00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:32,280
been the dominant gender so the...

580
00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:33,960
What about wanker, Gordon?

581
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:36,680
Because technically
that's either, isn't it?

582
00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:39,560
Arsehole? You know,
we've all got one of those.

583
00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:41,720
<font color="
be withoot them? Oh, for...

584
00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:45,360
I really think we should head...

585
00:26:45,400 --> 00:26:46,600
You know what I think, Gordon?

586
00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:47,840
What?!

587
00:26:49,560 --> 00:26:53,680
I think you should
do your assignment on all of this.

588
00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:57,520
Language and all that,
how it's changed.

589
00:26:57,560 --> 00:26:59,440
<font color="
you're talking about.

590
00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:00,960
Well, I don't think that's...

591
00:27:02,720 --> 00:27:04,280
I can't really see how that would...

592
00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:09,480
Actually, that's a really good idea.

593
00:27:14,880 --> 00:27:16,440
Don't forget your hat and scarf.

594
00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:19,320
Ah, yeah, see about that...

595
00:27:19,360 --> 00:27:21,640
Do you mind
<font color="

596
00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:22,960
Oh, right.

597
00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:27,280
Yeah, it's just we're a bit skint
this year with me being at college.

598
00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:29,840
Is that why you're not coming
over on Christmas Day?

599
00:27:31,800 --> 00:27:33,360
Kind of, yeah.

600
00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:37,040
Do not worry about presents
<font color="

601
00:27:37,080 --> 00:27:38,120
we'd love to have you.

602
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:41,240
Right, OK.

603
00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:42,720
Thank you. Cheers, Mum.

604
00:27:45,600 --> 00:27:48,240
Erm, no hugs for me, Gordon?

605
00:27:51,560 --> 00:27:52,520
Oh!

606
00:27:56,320 --> 00:27:58,040
That's a nice kiss for you as well.

607
00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:01,480
Bye, Ian.

608
00:28:08,560 --> 00:28:11,880
Oh, is that your scooter, Gordon?

609
00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:15,320
Yeah. Ooh! I wonder
if Col would like one of those?

610
00:28:15,360 --> 00:28:17,440
Oh, my God, I could get him
one for his Christmas.

611
00:28:17,480 --> 00:28:22,040
Col! Col! Come and get a look
at Gordon's scooter!

612
00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:23,400
What's happening?

613
00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:27,000
I think Colin's going to have
a go on Gordon's scooter.

614
00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:29,360
Oh, I'd quite like to see that.

615
00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:33,720
I haven't been on one
of these for years.

616
00:28:33,760 --> 00:28:35,120
Go on, Col.

617
00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:36,680
HE GIGGLES

618
00:28:36,720 --> 00:28:38,040
Whee!

619
00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:39,320
Woo!

620
00:28:42,600 --> 00:28:44,080
Oh!

621
00:28:44,120 --> 00:28:46,160
CRASHING
Oh!

622
00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:48,840
Oh, my fucking van!

623
00:28:50,520 --> 00:28:55,840
<font color="
still singing Galway Bay

624
00:28:55,880 --> 00:29:00,480

for Christmas Day.